Category: Writing

Irritable

Lately, I’ve been feeling irritable, on-edge, restless, out-of-focus.

I grabbed my prayer book this morning and this is what I found:

Are the antidotes to my dis-ease in this simple, timely prayer? Let’s think it through:

First, have I responded in love when irritations and annoyances erupt? Nope. My anger has over-ruled and overrun my giving grace and love mechanism, like a log truck going downhill in the mountains.

If sensible people control their temper, as the writer of Proverbs admonishes, I have been anything but sensible. I have been out of my senses. I have been out of control. This is obvious in my interactions, my eating, and my disciplines. I haven’t written anything for months. My office is in total disarray. All I want to do is get on my bike and ride—hard, long, and fast.

It’s like I’m trying to get away from something. I’ve always been a runner, an avoider. Ignore something long enough and it will go away. Ridiculous thinking. I would identify it and encourage others to change, but have not been very good at owning it in myself.

As a counselor, I learned and taught classes, groups, and individuals about anger management. A basic truth for me has always been that most often anger is a protective response. People feel more comfortable expressing anger and pushing others away than owning their more vulnerable feelings of sadness, fear, confusion, or brokenness.

I’m feeling all of the above. At work. At home. In my relationships. I feel more comfortable holing up alone in my house with my dogs who don’t care what I’m going through as long as I feed them, let them out to potty, and give them an occasional scratch behind the ear.

But this is not how I want to be. And perhaps that’s why I’m so frustrated. I don’t feel like I’m allowed or supposed to feel this way. I have to be on and up for everyone. I’m not allowed to be irritated. And heaven forbid that I would express my frustration publically.

For example…last week the tree trimmers came to my house to cut my tree limbs back from the power lines. I was fuming. They’re supposed to let us know so we can pay top dollar to tree-trimming companies to sculpt rather than butcher our trees indiscriminately. We weren’t notified. They butchered my tree.

I felt violated. I was so angry, I was telling people that I was ready to chop the rest of the tree down with my teeth. Not particularly attractive talk or behavior. Upon reflection, I was mortified that I was so vociferous in my expression of my anger. I should have been gracious. After all, they were only doing their job, and keeping the electric on is important for me and for the neighborhood.

Spewing my anger over what I felt was hack job on my tree became the perfect opportunity to empty out my hoard of pent up frustration and irritation. My behavior was completely disproportionate to the incident. My ranting was unbecoming and my inability to control my expression was indicative of a deeper wounding that needs to be addressed.

That said, I have realized and reminded myself of Paul’s admonition to the Ephesians regarding anger: be angry and sin not. Anger is not the enemy. Anger is a legitimate emotion. How we release or control the intensity is what matters. Who we express it to is also relevant. Anger is energy that when channeled appropriately can result is positive change.

Typically I like to finish one of these posts in a neat package, with a tidy resolution tied up with a pretty ribbon.

Sorry, no ribbon today. Today begins the arduous work of back-tracking soul-searching examination to uncover the wound that has been the impetus to this feeling of dis-ease. I take comfort in the words of Psalm 103, “He heals all our dis-eases.”

I’m trusting in that truth, and in the ensuing process. I’m also hoping the ownership of the feelings unlocks the door to peace (completeness, shalom) so that my life and living will be a more credible witness.

Point Made, Now What?

Everyone seems to have an opinion. Interestingly, many opinions are being accepted as fact. I have a few opinions I’d like to share.

For example, the media and many voices on social media seem to be telling me the only way to prove I love my country is by pledging my allegiance (repeating a prescribed set of words). This presents an interesting dilemma for a non-credal person. And how quickly do the words lose their meaning when they are said in a fashion of mindless repetition. Do the words still apply? Do they apply to everyone?

And, if I love my country, I will demonstrate certain behavior when a specific song is played. A song few know the words to, or that there are verses we don’t sing. A song that has a melody that is difficult at best to sing. A song that has been a source of controversy since it was written and instituted as the “national” anthem.

Troubling.

It seems to me that my country would be better served by living consistently the precepts that make this country special—a good place to live.

To begin with, I would vote. Recently in my community of 21,249 (according to SIRI) a vote was taken on an issue and only 2,300 people showed up at the polls. If we love our country, wouldn’t we take an active role in the establishment of its governance.

If I love my country, I would be more involved in the process of making this a fit place for all to live, instead of letting those with the money making the decisions. Systems at every level are broken and rather than merely complaining shouldn’t we be working to fix things? This is true at all levels from local to national.

Why do we pass things off, hoping someone else will step up? There is no good reason. I believe this is why we are offered so few choices at election time—resulting in the need to vote for the lesser of evils rather than the persons who will truly represent our best interests. And, why the same people are entrenched in leadership. But this is a matter we can discuss later.

Arguing and resorting to emotionally charged words solves nothing.

I fully believe the principle, “All behavior serves a purpose.” Our country values the right of its citizens to disagree—even protest. Instead of insisting that people stop protesting, wouldn’t it behoove us to address the problem or issue rather than to focus on the method of getting attention, or denying that there is a problem at all?

I believe it was Mr. Kraft, owner of the New England Patriots, who suggested that one of the things yesterday’s protest demonstrated was that when people work and stand together they can accomplish much (my paraphrase). But it was equally moving and impactful to witness the dedication of one man, Alejandro Villanueva (the military veteran and Pittsburgh Steeler who chose to come out and stand at attention during the anthem). Neither those who knelt or locked arms, nor those who saluted were wrong. They were each making a point.

So the points have been made. If we merely continue to protest without dialogue and moving toward change, we appear as petulant children. We deserve better—our children and future generations deserve better.

Meet the Author: Ginger Solomon

Today I am excited to share my post with an author who has done more to open my mind—and heart—to reading romance.

Ginger Solomon is the author of the Belikarian Weddings series. And the third book in her series is coming out 9/22/16. When I heard there was another story I jumped at the opportunity to read it and share it with you.

One of the things I love is knowing more about the authors whose books I enjoy reading. So I want you to know somethings about Ginger.

Ginger, tell us a little about where you live and write—and about your amazing family.

I live in northern Alabama where the temps have yet to realize it’s fall. I write wherever I can find a quiet space at any given moment. 

I have a wonderful, supportive husband and seven great kids—five boys and two girls. My two oldest (boys) are engaged to be married, and my oldest girl left a few weeks ago to go to a nearby school supported by our church. My third son is in his sophomore year of college. My youngest daughter is a senior in high school. And then I have a 9th grader and a 7th grader. I’ve home schooled them all and have been blessed by the experience.

Why romance? With all the different genres, what draws you to romance?

I don’t know. Maybe because my husband doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body—which I knew when I married him. I find my romance in my head. I’m very, very careful not to compare my heroes (or those of other writers that I read) to my hubby because he is great in so many other ways. I also like romance because I enjoy the correlation between the love between a man and a woman to that of our relationship with God. It’s not give and take. It’s give 100% always. God always provides His best for us, even when we don’t understand His ways. So should a man and a woman strive for the best thing for their partner.

What has been the biggest influence in your writing?

My relationship with Jesus. I know love because He first loved me. I grew up in a dysfunctional family that didn’t show love well. I know my mother loved me the best way she knew how, but… Anyway, when I met Jesus and truly turned my life over to Him, I knew what TRUE love felt like. I strive to show others that unconditional love through my writing.

Most writers face “writer’s block” at some time. How do you overcome it?

I have a side story—I call it my play story—that has no rules. I write without concern for whether it’s believable or whether anyone will like it or whatever. I still follow basic writing rules (like no head-hopping), but it’s a no-limits story. It frees up my mind to work out whatever is wrong with my main manuscript.

Do you have a portion of scripture that encourages you as a writer?

Every year, many people find a word they hope will encourage them through the year. I do that, but I also choose a verse. This year my verse is Colossians 3:17, “And whatever you do or say, do it as a representation of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.” My word for 2016 is consistent. I have tried to be consistent in my testimony about who Jesus is to me—through my books, my blog, and my life.

What advice would you give someone who is considering self-publishing?

Weigh the costs—cover, editing, formatting. How much can you do yourself? I am pretty computer literate, so I do the covers and formatting myself. I have qualified writing friends who edit for me and in exchange I edit for them. Read about others’ experiences. Learn from their mistakes and successes.

How can we pray for you?

I’m not sure when this will post, but on Friday September 23rd, I’m having a pretty invasive surgery to remove a mass that is on my pituitary gland—effectively brain surgery (but they’re going through my nose). There are tons of risks (as with all surgeries), but I appreciate prayer that my sight is not adversely affected (effected, I hate those two words) as the mass is pushing on my optic nerve. There are three scenarios…my sight will not change, which I can live with; my sight will get better, which is what I’m praying for; or I could lose my sight completely, which is a rare occurrence, but possible.

I will have at least a week of being down and out, so I’d also appreciate prayer for my family as they deal with Mom being unable to do everything she normally does. 😉

Here’s a teaser to get you interested:

LovesChoice_453x680.jpg

Aileen Najjar joins the royal household when her boss marries the princess. She loves working in the kitchen, but when the head cook allows her to prepare most of the meals, trouble finds her. The handsome head of security turns out to be her ally as she struggles to fit in.

 Matthias Firat wants to find the mole who leaked information leading to the attempts on the princess’s life. His attraction to the new kitchen helper prompts him to ask for her help.

 When she discovers the truth, it might very well break both their hearts.

Author’s Bio: Ginger Solomon is a Christian, a wife, a mother to seven, and a writer—in that order (mostly). She writes or reads inspirational romance of any genre, and if she’s busy homeschooling, doing laundry, or fixing dinner, it’s on her mind. She’s a member of American Christian Fiction Writers, president of her local writing group, and blogs regularly for InspyRomance.com and at gingersolomon.com.

 

 

Writing Challenging Book Reviews

wp church library

I offered to read two books and review them.

There are many reasons I agree to do this. I like getting free books and I like connecting with new authors. I know how important it is to have a book reviewed.

But it’s not always easy. Sometimes I don’t care for the book, its story or the writing style. I’ve agreed to be honest, but there’s no need to be mean-spirited. Just because the book didn’t do anything for me doesn’t mean it won’t or can’t reach someone else.

Both of the books I read fell into the challenging review category.

jake tanner

The first book, The Chronicles of Jake Tanner, Hell’s Lane is co-authored by someone I respect as an writer and mentor, Kathy Bruin. I jumped at the opportunity to read and review.

The book was dark, contained language and content that might be offensive to some. I was not offended, but I felt this book would not fit most church libraries. How was I going to review it?

The first thing I did was contact Kathy. The thing I needed to know was who was the intended audience. Books don’t always preach to the choir. Sometimes they have to reach people who would be uncomfortable even being around organized religious folks. Kathy assured the goal was to start discussions of the issues of choices and consequences and how those choices can ultimately affect our eternal destiny.

This book could do that. I can and did write a review saying those things.

chasing happy

I was offered the opportunity to read the second book by the author. She was careful to preface her invitation by telling me the subject material was unique and not an easy sell.

The book is well written stylistically and the story is compelling. But the issue is the issue: the main character is attempting to come to terms with his bisexuality. The author has faced a lot of negative feedback from publishers who don’t want to touch the topic. And I think that’s a shame.

This book falls even better into the category of discussion starter, both for those who struggle and those who are trying to understand the struggle. The issue will not go away because we don’t address it, so why not use a well-written source to help those who are looking for answers?

WP open church doors

I have a friend who continually challenges me to get out of the “Christian Ghetto.” She believes there are people outside the comfort of the church who are hungering and thirsting, who need more than the standard fare of Christian-eze. Her sentiments were similar to those of a movie producer I heard speak at a Christian Writers Conference earlier this year.

So maybe these two books wouldn’t be typical of the books on your church library shelf, but maybe they should be somewhere in the church and opened for discussion.

My writing friend, Ginger Solomon, nominated me for the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award.

Now for the blog award. Having accepted, here are the rules I now must follow:

The Rules:
1. Thank the blogger who nominated you.
2. Put the award logo on your blog.
3. Answer the 10 questions they’ve sent you.
4. Make up 10 new questions for your nominees to answer.

So here are the 10 questions from Ginger:

1. What does it mean to you to be a living sacrifice?
It means to me that my sacrifice is a daily and conscious choice. It’s about “being bought with a price” and honoring God with my body. I also love the way that God promises to care and feed me daily.

2. What are your writing plans for 2015?
I’m pulling together material for three professional critiques at FCWC and working with Shellie Arnold to begin a chapter of Word Weavers in Ohio. Out of that I hope to complete a devotional collection, a Bible Study, and a non-fiction book.

3. What are your long-term writing goals?
I would like to write a Bible Study on Philippians and see it published. And I would like to complete my book on the Prodigal Personalities.

4. What would you do with a million dollars?
I would invest it so my husband and I could retire and live off the interest.

5. Was 2014 what you expected it to be?
No. I expected to be a prolific writer.

6. What would you change about 2014, if you could?
I would pull out of my mental funk much earlier so that I could have written enough that I didn’t have to go back to work.

7. Your word for 2015 is habit. Name a good habit, besides exercise (it’s on your site), that you plan to implement in the new year.
Accountability. I know I need it so I have hooked up with individuals (thank you Ginger!), and face to face and online critique groups through Word Weavers.

8. What one book do you plan to read in 2015, besides the Bible?
I’m going to finish Steven James’ Story Trumps Structure.

9. What is your favorite season? Why?
Spring! I love the way the earth seems to wake up after winter. I love the greening. I love flowers…especially lilacs.

10. What is your favorite food? Why?
Just one? I love yummy food. I just turned to Nelson and asked him what my favorite food is and he answered exactly like I would: it’s a toss up between lobster bisque (he picked that because of the way my face looks when I eat it) and good pizza. He’s right.

Now you know more about me than you probably wanted. I nominate Mary Scro whose blog can be found at http://www.lifeisnotaformula.blogspot.com . Here are your questions, Mary, if you choose to accept.

1. If life is not a formula, what is it? Can you sum it up in 25 words or less?
2. What are your writing goals for 2015?
3. Are you a plotter or a panster?
4. Where is your favorite place to write?
5. What was a highlight from 2014 for you?
6. How do you decide what to write?
7. Cats or dogs?
8. Do you listen to music while you write? What kind is best for you?
9. What’s your best stress reliever?
10. Tell us about your retreat ministry.

Hosting Ginger Murphy Solomon

Today is a very exciting day for me!

Today I am hosting my friend, and roomie from last year’s Blue Ridge Mountain Christian Writer Conference, Ginger Solomon. And it’s a big day for her, too: it’s her birthday! (Follow the links at the end of this post and wish her a special day!)

Ginger Solomon is a Christian, a wife, a mother to seven, and a writer — in that order (mostly). When not homeschooling her youngest five, doing laundry or fixing dinner, she writes or reads romance of any genre, some sci-fi/fantasy, and some suspense. She’s a member of American Christian Fiction Writers, president of her local writing group, and writes regularly for three blogs. In addition to all that, she loves animals, horses especially, likes to do needlework (knitting, crocheting, and sometimes cross-stitch), and loves to sing in the choir at church.

I asked Ginger five questions so you could get to know her:

When you feel discouraged what song, scripture, and friend do you turn to?

When I was young, I went through a lot of things that made me hesitant to rely on people. As my aunt recently told me, I used to keep too much to myself. Not much has changed. So, I don’t really have a friend that I turn to. When I’m discouraged I have a number of songs that I love that help me remember who my Best Friend is. Chris Tomlin’s “Amazing Grace”, and Nichole Nordeman’s “Holy” are among the top. I heard a new-to-me song yesterday from Jesus Culture that made me want to close my eyes in worship, except I was driving at the time. I think “You Won’t Relent” is going to be a song I’ll listen to over and over.

I’ve learned that taking my eyes OFF my problems and putting them on the King of kings and Lord of lords reminds me that what’s happening around me or to me is temporary, but my worship is eternal. My Lord is greater than my problems or my disappointments.

Is there someplace you would love to visit and write about?

Scotland. I have already written two historicals set in castles in Scotland, but I’d LOVE to visit someday and see the places I’ve only dreamed about. When I was doing my genealogy I wanted to find some hint of Scottish in my ancestry, but alas there is none, so far. I am of Irish and English decent, maybe some Italian, but I can’t confirm that yet. Something about Scotland calls to my heart. I love Celtic music and jewelry designs. Those can come from Ireland, but the Emerald Isle does not call to me as much as the Highlands.

What drew you to romance out of all the genre you could pick from?

In real life, I’m practical. Instead of asking for jewelry or roses or candy, I request vacuums, or mattresses (which is what I got for my birthday this year). For Christmas I asked for and received a new food processor. I satisfy my less-than-dominant romantic side by writing about it, or reading it.

Since this is the season of romance, and you write in that genre, what is your best Valentine memory?

Well, I can’t remember any particular Valentine’s Day that stands out (remember, I’m practical), so instead I will tell you about the one time my husband brought me to tears with a single red rose. We were still newlyweds, living in an apartment. I was working full-time and my husband worked part-time and went to school full-time. I was probably pregnant (our first born was delivered one month before our first anniversary) and must have had a hard day at work. I really don’t remember. I think I was fixing dinner and a knock sounded on our apartment door. That in and of itself was unusual because the person would have had to have a key to get in through the locked exterior door. When I opened the door, thinking it was a neighbor, my dear husband was standing there with a single red rose (we couldn’t afford much). It was enough to make me start crying. I still get roses once in a while, just got some this past Valentine’s Day, but I remember that one rose with more fondness than any of the others.

Tell us five random things about yourself that might come up if we were sharing a cup of tea/coffee with each other.

I’ll have black tea, thank you, nothing fancy. I occasionally fancy a cup of Earl Grey. I’m not a coffee drinker, though when I was a child I used to eat sharp cheddar cheese that had been melted in a cup of coffee. Straight out of the cup. I’m not sure that would come up in conversation.

I love horses, always have. I find them to be majestic animals and enjoy watching them perform or simply run around a field. Shortly after we moved to Alabama my dream of owning my own horses came true. God fulfilled my dream even after I’d given up on it ever happening. I no longer own horses because that season has passed in my life, but I still love watching them.

I’d rather be outside reading or gardening than inside cleaning or cooking. When I was growing up I had the responsibility of cutting the grass, chopping wood for the woodstove, and cleaning out the chimney before we needed to use it for the season. I never wanted to learn to cook, sew, or any other domestic type stuff. My husband taught me to cook. I taught myself to sew, knit and crochet — though I have to admit I had a head start from watching my mom, at least on the sewing. She was a professional seamstress.

I’m a visual learner. Do not ask me to read a book to learn how to do something. Show me. Youtube is the greatest invention since the lightbulb, I think. At least for visual learners. Want to learn a crochet stitch – it’s on youtube. Change the door lock on your front loading washing machine — it’s on youtube. Don’t ask how I know that one – and yes, I changed it myself.

Partially because of my childhood and partially because of my temperament, I will NOT approach you unless I know you quite well. I am an introverted introvert. I’d rather sit and watch from the darkest corner than participate, but if you get me to talking/joking, I can keep up with the best of the extroverts. Just ask Tina.

When can we look forward to another book from you?

I have several manuscripts in various stages of progress. One is about ready to be sent to an agent who requested it, another needs a rewrite, and I have two that I’ve just started writing. When any of these will be ready for publication is only known by God at this time.

Here’s the official “blurb” about One Choice“
Cahri Michaels is American by birth, but Belikarian by choice. Being selected to participate in the Bridal March forces her to give up the independent life she’s created for herself. She’s not ready to be anyone’s wife, much less to a man she doesn’t know.

Prince Josiah Vallis despises the centuries old tradition—the Bridal March—that is forcing him to choose a wife from fifty women. Why does it matter that he’s twenty-five and still single?

When Cahri and Josiah meet, sparks fly. Will it ignite a godly love that can see them through or will they be burned, never to be the same?

Here’s my review:
I couldn’t put this book down. The story and the passion were captivating. The passion was more than mere romance—there was a passion for life, for love, and for God.

Happily ever never had so many twists or so much pain. If the Bridal March were on TV it would be a reality show to rival The Bachelor and Secret Princes. The main difference is that the author has made sure that her characters, while obviously dealing with their flaws, fears, and baggage, are also seeking to be honest and compassionate.

The story is called “One Choice” but there are many choices made throughout, with love and forgiveness being the most difficult ones to make and keep.

I’m not sure if the moral of the story is to be careful who you bump into at the grocery, or that love and morality aren’t just for fairy tales. Either way, this is a delightful read and I look forward to reading more from this author.

When I asked Ginger if we could do this she graciously offered to share a devotional thought with us as well.

Faith Without Trust?

Dictionary.com defines faith as “confidence or trust in a person or thing.” But how can you have faith without trust?
I think we’ve all had trust issues at one time or another. At least I have. I’ve doubted people – their motives or their words. And I’ve doubted God. I’ve questioned His love for me. I’ve asked why so many times I can’t even count them.

One thing I have come to understand is that God has always been with me. Even in the darkest moments of my life, and there have been a few, He has been by my side. When I’ve turned away, He has been faithful and remained steadfast in His love for me. No matter how I “feel” or how things seem to be falling apart, God is there.

But even with that knowledge, I have doubts when I’m in the midst of a new trial. I try to place God in a box. The size of which is conceived from what I’ve been taught and the experiences I’ve had, but as Isaiah 55:8 reminds us, “’For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,’ says the Lord.”

We are finite and He is infinite. He won’t fit in my box. Or your box. Ever. He will always be bigger and better than we can imagine.
Cahri, my heroine in One Choice, struggles with trusting God. In the beginning of the book, she wants nothing to do with God, though she continues to attend church so she can keep her job. She is angry and has lost her faith in Him. In her opinion, God no longer deserves her trust. BUT God (don’t you just love that phrase?), in His infinite grace, calls to Cahri even as she’s going through one of the hardest trials of her life. He speaks to her through art, creation, and through her memories. He won’t leave her alone. Toward the end of the book, Cahri finds herself in a situation that forces her to trust God. She has nothing left, but the small grain of faith that her parents planted in her as a child. A grain of faith that has grown because God is THERE. He is everywhere she looks, and she must acknowledge Him.

In the end, she must trust God because she, by herself, is helpless. She must trust Him with her very life.
But then, don’t we all do that every day? On some level, we trust God will continue to provide the air we need to breathe. We trust that the muscles and bones He created will provide movement and support. We trust that the cup we pour our drink of choice in to will hold said liquid. We trust that the laws of physics will remain in place, that the chair we sit in will hold us, that our cars will transport us to our destination.

“But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.” (Heb. 11:6 NKJV)

I think many times we believe that God is, but we fail to believe that He rewards those that diligently seek Him. Okay, maybe you don’t, but I do. I know how bad I am, and how much I mess up (aka sin) daily. BUT God (there it is again) is faithful to forgive us and cleanse us from all of the bad stuff (1 John 1:9)

In my novel, God protects Cahri from herself, and from others. He is there for her, even when she doesn’t feel his presence. And, as in any novel I write, she has a happily-ever-after.

He’s there for you, too. Every day. And if you believe in Him, trust in Him, have faith in Him, you will have a happily-ever-after too.

Here are some other places where you can connect with Ginger–and I really encourage you to do so.
http://gingersolomon.blogspot.com/
http://writingpromptsthoughtsideas.wordpress.com/
https://www.facebook.com/writerGingerSolomon

A Letter to Christian Fiction Writers

(Please read with the awareness that in part it was tongue-in-cheek and partly the sorry plea of an overweight grandmother. I have hesitated to post this because I’m not really the complaining type…I just had these thoughts and threw them into a letter…so here it is)

Dear Inspired Author.

For many years I avoided reading fiction. I was a pastor/counselor and all my reading was associated with my work. In my mid 40’s, I found myself working outside of those fields, with time to begin reading for pleasure and edification. Friends introduced me authors like Dee Henderson and Karen Kingsbury. Soon I was devouring everything in our church library and then the public library. The purchase of a Nook opened even more opportunities to become acquainted with new authors.

Recently I have been feeling discouraged by my reading. A few months ago I turned 56, but I don’t feel old–certainly not like a senior citizen which I’m finding in more books lately. I have also struggled with issues related to my weight since I was in high school. I was never a single digit size, but it seems to be a prerequisite in every book I pick up. Which is odd since I did a Google search and learned that the average woman in the US is a size 14. The women have perfect hair and green eyes, while the men are all runners with sculpted bodies worth drooling over.

I can understand secular authors feeling the need to appeal to sensuality due our over-sexualized culture. I’m just getting really tired of this emphasis taking up so much space in Christian fiction. I just keep hearing Mary Poppin’s description of “practically perfect people” and feel more and more discouraged.

Oh I’ll keep reading and struggling through my Zumba dvd, and maybe someday I’ll even get close to a size 14 again. In the meantime, I’ll keep hoping. Hoping that someday I’ll read a Christian mystery or suspense with real people, people who might even look like me and carry an AARP card without needing a cane.

Until then, I remain your faithful reader,
Tina

Turtles, Bruises, and Jelly Beans

Do Turtles Get Bruises?
I bruise easily. I have often said that if you look at me wrong I’ll end up with a bruise. Typically my bruises happen when I’m hurrying from here to there. I have a nasty bruise on my shin that I got when I ran full steam into a footstool. It was the “full steam” principle that got me to thinking this morning. I began to wonder: If I wasn’t in such a rush would my bruising be so bad? If I chose to go through life at a slower pace would I have less need for shin guards to protect me from life’s bumps and bruises? And that led me to ponder whether turtles get bruises.

Now the jump from bruises to turtles isn’t too far-fetched, in my brain, when you know that many years ago I served as a chaplain at a facility that worked with kids in out of home placement. During our summer program the activity therapist led a study that focused on Native American things. One of the components of the unit taught the kids about the ways animals influenced the identity of the Native Americans. I joined in the study and found the impact of spirit guides or totems to be very interesting. It was then that turtles entered my life.

During this time, I was pastoring, counseling, being a mom and a foster mom, being a wife, and trying to take care of my home. I knew I needed to slow down, but didn’t know how. And even though I was totally exhausted, I wasn’t sure I would know me if I slowed down. I was the proverbial human doing.

Then, ten years ago when my life took a horrendous downward spiral because of some stupid choices I made, I went back and did some more reading and got reacquainted with my friend the turtle. I realized how terribly out of balance I was. I’m not sure where I was going, but I seemed convinced that the only way to get there was to be racing and overwhelmed. I was so dedicated to this twisted way that I was attempting to function on less than two hours of sleep a night.

To say that I experienced a messy crash and burn, would be a major understatement. I lost a lot in those days, but the hardest thing for me to deal with was the loss of my work because it left me feeling like I had no identity. It was like learning to walk all over again. I worked several part time jobs and then ended up in a factory. I worked hard and found my worth in the approval of my supervisors. When that job came to an end four and a half years ago, I was fortunate to connect with a family that needed help caring for their mother when their father died. So I began providing daily care for an elderly woman with Alzheimer’s disease.

At first I went nearly crazy with the lack of things to do, but over the years I have come to treasure the slower pace and opportunity to be involved with making someone else’s life as pleasant as possible. My job is about being there, not about the things that I necessarily do. When I finally surrendered to that I began to truly enjoy my job.

This morning when I bumped that bruise on my shin again, the surge of pain resulted in my grousing about all the bruises I get and my question about turtles and bruises. So I went on line and asked google to enlighten me on the subject. There were only 8,610,000 hits. Most of the articles had to do with the health and well-being of turtles. “Ask Dr. Science” had some interesting things to say about the metabolism of turtles, but he also mentioned that turtles don’t have to move fast because they don’t have to chase their food and their shell protects them so they don’t have to run away from their enemies.

Now even with all my google reading, I’m still not sure whether a turtle’s longevity is due to his slower pace, but we know that his deliberate plodding along enabled him to win the race. Could it be that what we learned so simply as children might have value for our spiritual lives as adults?

Selah….pause…take a breath…slow down

I have sat with this piece and been frustrated that I couldn’t turn the corner to some amazing “Aha!”

While I was vacuuming the other afternoon, it dawned on me: not every piece has a resolution. This was reinforced during choir practice, of all places. We were working on a new piece for the Easter season. I’m a soprano, and I often tease that I’m a soprano because I like always having the melody. It’s a cruel thing when the composer gives the sopranos the harmony. It’s also not right the way the composer ended the piece we were sight reading. The ending was quite big and high, and then it does the unusual: instead of resolving pleasantly up to wonderful, powerful chord, the sopranos modulate down an awkward half step. Some things just don’t resolve the way think they should, or even want to.

I’ve know this at some level for a very long time. One Easter morning while sitting in church a phrase began rumbling around my mind. I was thinking about jelly beans and Jelly Bean Christians was born. I just haven’t known what to do with. Another one of those intriguing but unused phrases is Hushpuppy Christians. I keep thinking I’m going to come up with some witty writing about those things, but maybe their value is not in the writing but in what they cause me to think, to feel.

I don’t know if turtles get bruises, but since I started thinking about it, I’ve found myself slowing down, being more purposeful in my movements. And surprise: no more bruises from running into things.

And maybe, this wasn’t for you, but for me. But maybe you can relate, so I’ll just leave it here in case you can….

I Forgot to Tell You….

I just realized that I had failed to mention something huge that has been unfolding for me. On July 19, I entered a contest to write a book. The details are here.

Well on Monday July 30 this announcement was made! I’m one of the finalists. I’m in some pretty amazing company.

And I’m writing my first book. Book. I’ve written devotions, newsletters, articles, and monologues. I’m writing a book. I’ve already outlined the chapters for the synopsis. I have about 20 write. Except I already turned in the first and today I was finally able to crank out the lion’s share of the second chapter.

I have been so blocked in my writing since the beginning of my visit to my mom’s. When I got back Saturday, 8/11, I thought that everything would fall back into place and I would become a writing machine. Not. Ack. I have a book to write.

Today I sat in the quiet at work (quiet is something I have a lot of since I care for an 89 year old woman with dementia who doesn’t want me there so she doesn’t speak to me very often) and began to ponder deeply what this block was all about. I’m a trained counselor afterall, so I should be able to figure this out. A counselor and a pastor—so I can check both heart and head! And that I did.

I worked my way through several possibilities, finally I landed on fear. Fear? Where did that come from? I’ve been so excited about this. Then I began to feel something uncomfortably familiar. It probably should have dawned on me earlier in the week since I had two very different but oddly similar conversations with each of my daughters. For them the issue was parenting. They’re both such perfectionists…I can’t imagine how they got wired that way being the children of two first born parents, one strongly melancholy and the other equally strong as a choleric. (Sigh…).

What should I have realized? I was being blocked by fear and not fear of failure, even though it might look that way given the strong writing talent that I’m up against. No. For me there has always been this infuriating fear of success. I can’t explain it. I don’t want it. I have been stifled on more than one occasion by it’s ugliness. Well, today, I decided ENOUGH! I determined to push right past the block of fear and show myself and my daughters that it is okay to succeed.

As soon as I wrote those words in my journal, it was like a dam burst–I couldn’t write fast enough. Wouldn’t you know I’d leave the computer home today? Page after page, word upon word. Until I ran out of time and had to continue the process at home.

Is it enough to say that it felt amazing? Probably not. I had thought I was going to ride bike tonight, but I doubt I’ll leave this seat except for necessities…and maybe for So You Think You Can Dance…it is quite inspirational to me.

So I’m off to work some more on my book. I have a review that I wrote while on vacation that I need to post and another book I’m reading and quite enjoying that I’ll post the review on Monday.

Life is full and good. How about for you?