Author: tinamhunt

ESFP with a dash of ADD. Lover of the Word and words. The cup of my life is neither half empty or half full--it overflows! I'm blessed to be a blessing and I'm here to share the journey.

Refiner’s Fire

I have been down with the flu for five days. And I got a flu shot. I keep trying to imagine how much worse it would havee been if I hadn’t got the shot!

I would have loved to have spent the time cozied up and polishing several books on my Nook, but I just couldn’ t focus good enough for that. So honed up on my Yahtzee skills and listened to a lot of TV. Needless to say, I’vehad my fill of year end car sale/deal ads. Thee were also lots of ads for new movies and new TV programs. One new program that seemed to get a lot of ad time was the new show with Kevin Bacon, The Following. I just looked up the plot on one of my go to sites, IMDB.com, and I honestly still don’t get it. But there was a part of one ad that really disturbed me– enough that I remembered it in spite of my foggy mental state these past few days, and enough to write about it.

At one point a woman appears to be describing the series, and she uses just two words. I’m not sure if itnwas the way she said that troubled me or the impact of the words. It just sent chills, and not in a good way when she delivered her summation: deliciously evil.

Does that trouble anybody else? All I can hear is the serpant’s hiss hanging on the end of the phrase. As I pondered why this bothered me so, a verse from Proverbs came to mind: Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burnt? Proverbs 6:27, NIV

I know disastrous it is try and play with fire, to dance at edge of the precipice–hkw slippery the s,ope really is and how hard it is to come back. Sometimes I feel like an alarmist, always shouting that the bridge is out, waving my arms crazylike hoping someone will see and turn away before it’s too late.

It’s a new year. A time for resolutions and determined resolve. Here’s a no brainer. It’s so important that Jesus included it in his model prayer for his disciples. He told them that they need to pray that theybwould be led away from temptation, evil. In our day this prayer is even more necessary for his followers.

I challenge you to go to scripture, at least 7 different verses about avoiding evil, assign one to each day of the week, and then pray that verse on that day. We have lost our joy, our peace,and our power because we have allowed evil to creep into our lives. We are far too accepting and comfortable with it. If we ca  think of it as deliscious…God help us.

God, make us aware of the places and spaces where we have made evil welcome in our lives, our hearts, our homes, our relationships. Do in us the hard work of cleansing and purifying. You are our refiner. Our one desire is to be holy, and wholly thine. This is our prayer in your name, Jesus.

Wondering and Wandering: A Prayer for New Seeing

“Lord, the calendar calls for Christmas. We have traveled this way before. During this Advent season we would see what we have never seen before, accept what we have refused to think, and hear what we need to understand. Be with us in our goings that we may meet you in you coming. Astonish us until we sing “Glory!” and then enable us to live it out with love and peace. In the name of your Incarnate Word, even Jesus Christ. Amen. From The Unsettling Season by Donald J. Shelby

The world we live in refuses to be seen with old eyes, in olden ways. What once might have brought comfort, pales before the high speed gods and goddesses of this age.

The RHWC (red-haired wonder child) and I spent a lot of time cuddling this weekend. I think he was getting sick and I need to hold onto him. He is 6yrs old and turning 7 in a little over a month. Everytime I thought about one of those kids in CT, I wept. I have three grandchildren who just turned 7 or will turn 7 next month. They may be onery, and frustrate their mommies, but they are innocent and I cannot fathom anyone thinking they would need to die.

In addition to hugging, the RHWC and I had a conversation about God. He has only recently begun to be open to matters of faith. Before we started attending our current “turch” (that’s how he pronounces it), he pretty much refused to go. This was very disconcerting to us. We are people of faith and we have prayed long, hard, and often for our children, grandchildren–our families in general. The RHWC turned a corner when he started to develop friends at our “new” church.
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On Saturday evening, we were cutting out paper snowflakes, and the RHWC asked, “Mema, don’t you think it’s weird to believe in God? I mean how can we believe in something or someone we can’t see?” “Oh buddy,” I thought to myself, “that is the million dollar question.” So after a brief discussion of faith, he weary of waxing theologically, and decided to watch some TV instead. The yellow theologian, Spongebob, I believe…

So it has been a week. I’ve been fighting illness and fatigue…please excuse my absense. I did call the doctor’s office, but there must be a lot of sickness going around, because I still haven’t heard back.

I love the prayer we started this post with. It’s one I could easily say everyday. I pray that what astonishes you is the goodness and grace of God and not the seemingly overwhelming power of evil. I pray that not even illness, evil, or fatigue will keep you from seeing his wonder, or finding him in all your comings and goings. Amen.

Wondering and Wandering: Sad

I am the hugest of optimists. I can find the positive in just about any situation. I am naive. I am hopeful. I find good in people. It’s who I am. It’s how I roll. Typically.

But today I’m struggling. Today I’m weighted down with a sadness that is heavy and hurt-full. I mourn with those who mourn. I weep with those who weep. And I pray with those who pray, adding my loud amen to all the prayers for comfort.

Tomorrow morning our choir is going to be singing this song. It just seems to fit today.

Wondering and Wandering: Filling the Moments

A Prayer:
Father God,
Why is it that I think I must get somewhere, assume some position, by gathered together, or separated apart in the quiet of my study to pray?
Why is it that I feel that I have to go somewhere or do some particular act to find you, reach you, and talk with you?
Your presence is here
In the city–on the busy bus, in the factory, in the cockpit of the airplane; in the hopital–in the patients’ rooms, in the intensive care unit, in the waiting room; in the home–at dinner, in the bedroom, in the family room, at my workbench; in the car–in the parking lot, at the stoplight.
Lord, reveal your presence to me everywhere, and help me become aware of your presence each moment of the day.
May your presence fill the nonanswers, empty glances, and lonely times of my life. Amen From A Thirty-Day Experiment in Prayerby Robert Wood.

I will confess, I enjoy Pintrest. I don’t have a personal Facebook page, can’t–long story. So, I enjoy Pinterest. One of my boards is Sacred Spaces and Places. Some places just feel “fuller” with spirituality for me. I guess that’s why the words to “How Great Thou Art” get to me:

Oh,Lord my God! When I in awesome wonder
Consider all the works thy hand hath made,
I see the stars, I hear the mighty thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed;

Refrain:
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!

When through the woods and forest glades I wander
and hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees;
when I look down from lofty mountain grandeur,
and hear the brook, and feel he gentle breeze;

Refrain

And when I think that God his son not sparing,
Sent him to die – I scarce can take it in,
That on the cross my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin:

Refrain

When Christ shall come with shout of acclamation
And take me home- what joy shall fill my heart!
Then I shall bow in humble adoration
And there proclaim, my God, how great thou art!

Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!

If you want to listen to it, try this I sat and listened several renditions of this favored hymn. I especially liked this one for it’s simplicity. The cello also touched a spot in me.

Last Friday the hubster and I were blessed to be able to spend the day together. We drove south to a little town that has a furniture store that advertises on Craigslist. The drive took us on rolling, tiny country roads that warned us often to be alert for Amish buggies. It was a gray day, but that just seemed to add to the coziness of being together. The store was nice and we oohed and ahhhed over pieces we would love someday to have. On the ride home we took a different, but equally bendy and tiny road. It was such a special time together. On the way down we practiced the song we’re singing as a duet on Christmas eve. Then on home we chatted and commented on the different houses we noticed on the way home. Houses tucked in the woods. Log homes. Big inviting farm houses.

Way back when we were dating we would drive in the country and do the same thing. Then, though, there was this thinking that we “needed” to be in one of those kinds of homes to be happy. Now, nearly thirty-four years later we know, we could live in a tent and be happy together. We’ve walked through dark days together and know with clear certainty that it’s not the place, it’s the relationship that means so much.

How can it be any less with God? Sure, I my soul will be stirred by the beauty of a place–but I don’t have to go anywhere to find my God, my Savior, my Eternal Friend. He fills every moment, every place, in my life–when and if I let him. I just want to get better and better at letting him.

Wondering and Wandering: Silence

“Silence is the way to make solitude a reality. The Desert Fathers praise silence as the safest way to God. ‘I have often repented of having spoken,’ Arsenius said, ‘but never of having remained silent.’ One day Archbishop Theophilus came to the desert to visit Abba Pambo. But Abba Pambo did not speak to him. When the brethren finally said to Pamo, ‘Father, say something to the archbishop, so that he may be edified,’ he replied: ‘If he is not edified by my slience, he will not be edified by my speech.'” From The Way of the Heart by Henri J.M. Nouwen

As I have occasionally pointed out, I am an ESFP with ADD. I think out loud. I come from a loud family. I raised a loud family. My grandchildren, especially the red-haired-wonder-child (RHWC). My dogs are very loud. They bark at everyone that walks by (and a lot do) and all the squirrels that tease them from the trees (I would hate to see what happened if one of them fell into the dog pen). I worked in a factory where it was constant noise.

Oddly, over the past four years I have found great peace in the silence I find in my day job. No tv. No radio. The only sound is my occasional chime to remind me to play a game of Words with Friends. The little lady I stay with turns her hearing aids off so there’s not even much conversation when she ventures out of her room. And I’m really quite okay with that.

The RHWC is a boy–all boy. Long ago, hub and I decided that boys just have to make noise: sounds just have to come from little boys. Noise for noise sake. It reminds me of how Jesus described the way that the pagans just babble on when they pray. I don’t find any need to talk to hear myself talk–I just think out loud when I’m in conversation. Somewhere along the line I lost my need to talk.

The nice thing about that is that it makes lots of room to listen. To hear what others are saying…or not. To hear what God is saying…or not. I wonder how noisy it was in the stable…perhaps that why Mary sat quietly and pondered all these things in her heart.

Writing this just sent me to the bookshelf…I pulled out my copy of Oats “Nurturing Silence in A Noisy Heart.” More to come…

Wondering and Wandering: In Case You Really Wondered

“If you want God, and long for union with him, yet sometimes wonder what that means or whether it can mean anything at all, you are already walking with the God who comes. If you are at times so weary and involved with the struggle of living that you have no strength even to want [God], yet are still dissatisfied that you don’t, you are already keeping Advent in your life. If you have ever had an obscure intuition that the truth of things is somehow better, greater, more wonderful than you deserve or desire, that the touch of God in your life stills you by its gentleness, that there is a mercy beyond anything you could ever suspect, you are already drawn in the central mystery of salvation.” From The Coming of God by Maria Boulding

Yesterday morning our choir opened the service with a medley of songs. One of the songs in the medley was Pat A Pan. I had played this song many Christmases when I was a child, all the way through High School–I never knew it had words! Here are a couple of the verses (which happen to be very stuck in my brain since yesterday morning:
When the men of olden days
To the King of Kings gave praise,
On the fife and drum did play,

Tu-re-lu-re-lu,
Pat-a-pan-a-pan,
On the fife and drum did play,
So their hearts were glad and gay!

God and man today become
More in tune than fife and drum,
So be merry while you play,

The thought of us becoming more in tune with God probably stuck with me more than the song–although it’s there too. Being in tune, getting in tune, staying in tune, these are the essentials of Advent. The natural thing is to rush into the shopping, parties, and trappings of the holidays, but that leaves us missing the important spiritual components.

I’m much more of a minimalist when it comes to the external stuff. I want to focus on the God who comes…what will it take to clear your focus? How will you get in tune? Oh, don’t miss the mystery, the beauty, the gift.

Wondering and Wandering: Ah, Gentleness

“Compassion is expressed in gentleness. When I think of the persons I know who model for me the depths of the spiritual life, I am struck by their gentleness. Their eyes communicate the residue of soitary battles with angels, the costs of caring for others, the deaths of ambition and ego, and the peace that comes from having very little left to lose in this life. They are gentle because they have learned the hard way that personal survival is not the point. Their caring is gentle because their self-aggrandizement is no longer at stake. There is nothing in it for them. Their vulnerability has ben stretched to clear-eyed sensitivity to others and truly selfless love.” From Healing of Purpose by John E. Biersdorf

The older I get the more I treasure the “gentle” people around me. They are like the softness of a cashmere blanket wrapped around us, warming us with soft caresses. I sat and soaked in that image for a moment and then went back and read the quote…not an adequate image. But isn’t that just like us? We want to the softness without the process.

Right now there’s a Dick’s Sporting Goods commercial that left me needing a tissue the first time I saw it:

This of course reminded me of one of my favorite tidbits of literature: The Wisdom of the Skinhorse (“The Velveteen Rabbit” by Margery Williams)
“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

This proces and transformation are not something that we have to hunt for and try to accomplish all willy-nilly. Someone has offered to walk us through it, to teach us, to be with us all along the way:
Are you tired? Worn our? Burned out on religion? Come to me Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show
you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me–watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I
won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly. Matthew 11:28-30 The Message

Jesus, the One we preparing to meet this holy season, the One who came as Immanuel (God to be with us), invites us to journey with him, to learn from him for he is gentle and humble of heart. Nothing much more humbling than the helplessness of a baby. Helplessness at any stage we might find ourselves.

Where does gentleness come from? From learning we don’t have all the answers, that we can’t do this on our own, and from learning to wrap our brain around how okay it is to be dependent.

We’ve already considered your IQ (imitation quotient), so now I’m wondering: how’s your GQ, your gentleness quotient?

Wondering and Wandering: Dis-couraged?

5 Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again—my Savior and my God! Psalm 42:5

The words to the old gospel song ask: Why should I be discouraged? Why should the shadows come? …When Jesus is my portion, a constant friend is he. His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me. I sing because I’m happy. I sing because I’m free. For his eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me.

When I went to the online concordance to read what the scriptures had to say about discouragement, I was surprised by what I found. The majority of references to discourage were preceded by the phrase, “don’t be afraid.” Fear and discouragement are linked. Now I’m imagining that there are as many reasons to be discouraged as there are to be afraid. They will differ with the individual and their makeup. And I guess the connection makes sense when you consider that to be dis-couraged is to be without courage.

I also read Psalm 42 with a whole new perspective. Read verse 5 above. Read it quickly. Do not camp out at the end of the second question. That’s our tendency, isn’t it? We pitch our tent somewhere between Discouragement Village and Sadness City. But it seems to me that the writer of the Psalm wants to us to reconsider our pausing at that point. There’s no camping, no pity-me party, none of it! There is the resoluteness of the hymn writer: How can I be discouraged when Jesus is my portion? How can I be sad when my hope is in the God whose eye is ever on me, on you?

Perhaps this year has held changes that have felt way more than you could bear. Huge losses. Intense heartache. It may have seemed like you were swimming in a sea of why questions. The Psalmist doesn’t seem to wait for an answer for his why questions, he just automatically moves to hope and praise for his Savior and his God. Is it time to stop paddling in that same old pool? Is it time to surrender your ‘why’ and find hope and praise?

Maybe you want to sing along

Wondering and Wandering: Camel Swallowing

Swallowed any camels lately? In Matthew 23, Jesus is really coming down pretty hard on the religious establishment, the Pharisees. He calls them blind guides and hypocrites more than once in the tirade. Jesus seems very concerned that they attempt to make a really good presentation, but lack the inner substance to back it up. They were majoring in the minors and leaving the camel in the middle of the room unattended…and what a mess that ended up making of things!

How many of our homes are decorated for Christmas, both inside and out, but our hearts are sorely unattended to? How many parties and functions will we go to, dressed in our holiday best, but not even considering our spiritual attire? How many gifts will be purchased to impress spouses, lovers, kids and grandkids, bosses, and friends while the greatest gift we can give to the One who deserves it most will be either ignored or stretched so thin that little would even remain to give?

I read a post online by someone recently who was going on about how much they love Advent. They love the songs, the parties, the shopping, the eats. It made my heart sad. The purpose of Advent is not to get the world around us ready for the biggest gift giving day of the year. The purpose of Advent is to reflect on the greatest gift ever given and to be sure that our hearts are ready to receive it.

The Wisemen rode camels to find Jesus. That seems a much wiser thing to do than to swallow one and miss the Master.

Wondering and Wandering: Fear and Freedom

“For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, ‘Abba, Father.'” (Rom. 8:15).

It’s a lot easier to write when I don’t envision my friends’ smirking faces as they read what I’ve written. In particular, I can see Heidi’s grin as she scans over these words. I see her face because it’s her voice I hear in my head right now. I’ve been playing back a conversation we had on Friday as we ate ice cream and sucked down several cups of coffee. “What are you so afraid of?” she asked me.

I had no answer then. I don’t have one now. What I do have is a heavy weight sitting right on my chest, squashing me, squeezing all the air out. Fear is that weight, but I don’t know what it is fear of exactly. Failure. Rejection. Pointlessness. All of the above. None of the above.

Fear is not a new companion. I have lived most of my life afraid of something. I remember the physical frozenness when I was in hospital chaplaincy training and how hard it was to make myself walk through that door. I have been so afraid of driving in weather. Fear has affected my friendships, my relationship with my husband, my job performance.

So when I started researching for today’s word, I started by doing a keyword search on bound. Nothing jumped. I switched to bind. Nope. I googled “spiritual bondage.” Getting closer. Then I pulled out my Theological Dictionary and was directed to the above scripture reference. It wasn’t until I read it a few times that one word jumped up and bit me on the nose. Again.

Chapter 7 of Romans is one of the Bible’s great wrestling matches. My other favorite is Jacob and the Angel. Anyway, in Romans 7, Paul is describing the internal wrestling match he has between doing the good he wants to do and the not-good that he ends up doing. Near the end of the match, Paul asks the question, “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?” The answer is Romans 8:1: Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. Paul wants us to know that God has not set us free to be put into slavery, or bondage AGAIN.

In Christ Jesus we are not just set free, but we are adopted into the closest of relationships. To call God Abba is to refer to him in a dependent and loving way as would a child and with the respect that an adult has for his or her parent. It is a relationship that is completely secure and that’s what releases us from the bondage of fear.

As we wade even deeper into Advent, let us marvel at the freedom that Jesus came to offer. Let’s take time to identify and surrender our fears to him. I mean seriously, aren’t you getting tired of the wrestling match?
1. Come, thou long expected Jesus,
born to set thy people free;
from our fears and sins release us,
let us find our rest in thee.
Israel’s strength and consolation,
hope of all the earth thou art;
dear desire of every nation,
joy of every longing heart.

2. Born thy people to deliver,
born a child and yet a King,
born to reign in us forever,
now thy gracious kingdom bring.
By thine own eternal spirit
rule in all our hearts alone;
by thine all sufficient merit,
raise us to thy glorious throne.

http://www.hymnsite.com/lyrics/umh196.sht