Purr-rhythm

I Need to Breathe Deeply

Eternal Friend, grant me an ease to breathe deeply of this moment, 

this light, this miracle of now.

Beneath the din and fury of great movements and harsh news and urgent crises,

make me still attentive to good news,

to small occasions, 

and the the grace of what is possible

for me to be, 

to do,

to give,

to receive,

that I may miss neither my neighbor’s gift,

nor my enemy’s need.

(Guerrillas of Grace, Ted Loder)

I read this prayer and it hit deep. I immediately felt like writing a blog post. And then Earl leaped upon my desk. Earl is my desk buddy. Actually, he’s my adult grandson’s cat. If he’s not trying to keep my hands from typing—since human hands are for preparing meals and giving scratches—he’s curled up in the drawer I have pulled out and made cozy for his napping pleasure. 

By now you’re probably wondering why Earl matters today. We when he jumped up for his morning attention I was pondering the phrase of the prayer “beneath the din and fury.” In that moment it wasn’t din and fury, it was Earl and din and furry. And a blog post direction was changed a bit.

There is plenty of din and fury in the world these days. But there is amidst the din some furry clamoring for our attention. Currently, my morning furry is still leaning on my arm, only offering slight challenge to my typing. His soft, rhythmic breathing and low purr made me even more aware of my own breath…and wasn’t that what the prayer was calling me to?

In June I was faced with a decision that had long-term ramifications. I was in the process of meeting the requirements for gastric sleeve surgery and due to a mild to moderate diagnosis of sleep apnea, I was required to complete a thirty day c-pap trial. I have slept next to a c-pap since 1993, and watched my husband struggle with many machines and a plethora of ineffective masks and head gear. I was never going to put myself through that torture. Until I had to.

My journey in adaptive sleeping has had some positive outcomes, and I continue to mask up nightly. I’m sleeping better. And when I’m awake, I feel like I’m breathing better. I’ve always felt like I was a shallow breather. A mouth breather for sure. But lately I’ve notice I have a greater ability to breathe deeply. I’m more aware of the rhythm of my breath. 

As satisfying as this awareness is for me right now, it is incomplete if my attention stays on me and I miss my “my neighbor’s gift” or “my enemy’s need.” 

Thanks for your “purr-fectly” timed morning leap. Let me fluff up that afghan for you. Have a nice nap.