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Advent Day 2: Waiting

No pictures today.

Today I am traveling to visit my mom in Arizona. 

Today I will arrive at the Akron/Canton Airport nearly two hours before my plane is scheduled to depart. My family thinks I’m a little crazy about this…maybe I am. I want to be sure that I am at my gate in plenty of time. I don’t mind waiting. I have things to keep me busy. Things like blog posts to write and books to read.

One year we did the OJ thing, but it looked more like the Home alone family running through the airport. I have nightmares about missing flights and being stranded.

I prefer leisurely strolling through the airport and relaxing at my gate….as much as one can relax on those benches.

I haven’t always been this way and there are times when I can slip into the old worry-worry-fret-fret mode. It’s not pretty. And that craziness is totally unappreciated by my family.

What kind of wait-er are you? Are you a foot-tapping deep-sigher? Do you consider having to wait as an inconvenience? Do you seek out the shortest shopping check-out lane? Do you weave in out of traffic to have the privilege of sitting at the light one car length ahead of me (me being the “pokey” driver who had the audacity to drive speed limit)?

For today’s text I would like you to turn to the end of the Old Testament. In most Bibles then there is an empty page before you find the first page of the New Testament. Do you realize that empty page is worth about 400 years? No check-out at Walmart ever takes that long, not even on the worst return day after Christmas!

God was silent for 400 years, but the people kept looking, kept hoping, kept waiting for Messiah to come.

I’m going to guess that at some point in this Advent season you will have to wait. Wait for the turkey to thaw. Wait to check out. Wait for someone to arrive. Wait in traffic. When you realize that you are in “waiting” mode first take stock of how you are waiting: are you feeling hopeful or irritated; are you positively expectant or negatively exasperated?

Here’s the really cool thing about this waiting! You know what’s coming. Those people living in the 400 years of God-silence didn’t know what was coming, or when. 

So when you find yourself waiting take a moment of that time to thank God because you do not wait alone. They didn’t either, but they didn’t know it. God was waiting to…waiting for the time to be just right…just right to give you the very best gift of all. 

Blessings on your times of waiting…oh and be a blessing, too!

 

He Uses Everything

The other day my husband brought me home a surprise. In the past, surprises included apple fritters, chocolate bars, DVD’s, and one time a diamond ring…but that’s a story unto itself.

This day he brought me home a sprinbrush toothbrush. He had bought one for himself and really liked it. Since he had a coupon and they were on sale, he thought I would like to have one, too.

And like it I do!

But this morning, I realized anew just what a creature of habit I am.

I squirted the toothpaste on my new brush. Put the brush in my mouth. And proceeded to manually brush my teeth.

The bristles aren’t designed for this. The brush moved sluggishly across me teeth…then it dawned on me…I forgot to turn it on. And the Spirit niggled my heart…I ended up giggling out loud.

God decided to use my toothbrush to remind me to do more than go through the motions and rely on habit.

This little reminder came as I was getting ready to head out to the funeral service for the woman I had cared for the past five and half years.
Relying on habit would mean that I put on my pastoral mask and face the folks with a demeanor of peace and confidence. Behaving this way has carried me through some really tough services in the past. But it seemed clear that I was to leave my mask at home.

The power I was to draw on was not the usual thing. The power source available to me would work much better. It was up me to access it.

I heard the words of Paul: “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

My habit or standard mode of operation would have been stiff upper lip, show no emotion, tough it out…hang strong. God was inviting me to leave that habit behind and “come clean.” I meekly said I’d try.

I sat at the funeral and wept. I sang the songs, prayed the prayers, remembered…and wept. That may not sound like much to you–doesn’t everyone weep at funerals? Not people who are in control. Not me. I didn’t anticipate weeping. But there I sat soggy and snotty and totally sans tissues. I had to get up and go retrieve some from the narthex.

I can’t remember a service that touched my heart as much as that one. Living into the multiple layers of loss, feeling the pain, I came heart to heart with the Great Comforter. I would miss this lady, but I was able to focus on the many gifts I had received from her. I would miss having a job, but I had an indescribable peace that God would lead where I needed to be.

God used a toothbrush to remind me to rely upon Him. What is He using in your life?

And onto the next…

Today my job ended. The woman I’ve been caring for the past five and half years died this morning. I had the privilege of being there.

I was still a little numb when I got home. When I lost my job in 2008, I hadn’t gone looking for a job as a care giver. It was quite hard for me at the beginning. God and I had some long talks because I felt so useless. At the beginning my lady was still “with it” enough to resent the heck out of my presence. I likened it to babysitting a teenager: they don’t think they need a babysitter, yet it brings comfort to the parents. I was comfort for the family.

More recently, as she became bed fast, my lady accepted my help–most of the time…but like a child: she didn’t like bath time.

It seems to me that life is held together by bookends. We start sleeping a lot, eating orange fruits and veggies, and wearing diapers. The end looks that way too.

The family I worked for cared about me. Not long ago they made me a huge basket with fresh produce, a loaf of zucchini bread (which my husband enjoyed) and several other things. It was so heavy I could barely lift it into my car. Today they included me in their grieving and their remembering. It was such a precious gift to me.

Back to feeling numb…I sat here at home for a bit and half wondered, half prayed. I heard the mail truck go by…actually I heard the dogs barking out in their pen, like they do when the mail arrives. My body responded by going out to the box, even though my mind wasn’t really in the task.

As I pulled the stack of bills out of the box, I noticed one that had a hint of green in the window. A check. I wondered what my husband overpaid this time. I glanced at the return address, Judson Press, and realized the check was for me. They had accepted another devotion. Instantly I could see nothing else as my eyes filled with tears.

The $20 check didn’t make me rich, but I still felt lavishly loved in that moment. Last week two publishers mentioned my submitting articles. I was encouraged by that and began immediately to work on articles for them. On the weekend, a friend whose opinion I highly respect, spoke to me about my blog and her words encouraged me deeply. Then this. I’m dense at times, but God got all the way through my fog and numbness.

Write, Tina.

So until something else should come along, I will be writing. I have so many things started and now I have time to finish them. Submit them. Edit others. Work on two books I have in process. Seek out contests.

I don’t feel as numb. Actually, I’m feeling excited. And ready to get to the next phase of this journey.

A final thought:
As I read back through this another thought occurred to me–another window into God’s hand upon my life.

I used to function in an extroverted manner that was off the scale. It was so bad that I used to think I needed others around me just to breathe. Then God gave me the job as caregiver. It was one on one. It was quiet. And except for my lady, I was alone. I didn’t like it at first. I chaffed. I squirmed under God’s hand. But I stayed, and I came to love it. The quiet has become so much a part of me that I can’t imagine going back to the world of noise.

As I have immersed myself into the world of writing, I have read many articles about the solitary lifestyle required for writing. I questioned whether I would be able to survive in that lifestyle. This morning the voice of hindsight whispered in my heart, “You’re ready.”

Now isn’t that just like God?

Thinking About Pain…because it’s easier than feeling it

I have lived a relatively pain-free life. Until recently. I can remember about a year ago when I was sitting at a meal with friends and the person next to me asked what was wrong with my neck. She went on to say that I seemed to be moving stiffly. I was surprised because I hadn’t even noticed.

Fast forward about three months and I did start to notice some pain in my shoulder. I pretty much tried to ignore the aching because I feared that perhaps I had injured my rotator cuff and my mind was full of horror stories of painful surgeries and even more painful therapeutic recoveries.

Then about six weeks ago at a routine checkup I mentioned to my doc how the pain seemed to traveling down my arm, seizing the bicep and causing tingly itchiness all the way down to my hand. I was having trouble typing on the computer, which all but put a halt to my writing.

My doc sent me for an x-ray of my neck and the findings supported her suspicion and diagnosis of degenerative osteoarthritis of the C5 and C6. Welcome to the perpetual pain club that goes along with getting older. Take your ticket directly to physical therapy and make friends with your nsaid.


Then I got sick, so-much-pain-I-couldn’t-move sick. Seems I had a wicked strep infection that my body responded to with an interesting, but non-life-threatening, condition called ermythia nodosum. I ended seeing a dermatologist and having a biopsy and a rheumatologist and gaining a diagnosis of fibromyalgia, along with several other multi-syllabic scary medical words.

Yesterday I wore tennis shoes to work. I was a little nervous about it. I work ten hours and the longest I had shoes on for almost a month was about a three hour stretch. Other than soreness in my shoulder, I’m feeling pretty normal. I’m quite happy to report that I wore the shoes all through the day, right up to bedtime!


Normal. Just what is that? And what will it look like in the future? How does one learn to live with pain? I have watched my husband be in chronic pain for thirty years. I have seen him cycle in and out of major depression because of it. I have made excuses upon excuses for his moodiness and the dark cloud of pain that has hounded him for so long. I don’t want to let my pain control my moods. I have seen it try…I didn’t like the way I responded.


As I pondered this, my thoughts seemed to automatically go to Paul’s prayer for the thorn in his flesh to be removed. Paul: God, take this away. I can’t do everything you want me to do with this. Others will see this problem and focus on how you seem unable to remove it. That can’t be good PR for an al- powerful and lavishly gracious God.

And God says: No. Nope. Not going to do it. See, the more dependent upon me that you are, the more you will find that I am all you need and that I will give you just what you need, right when you need it. Not one minute before. And it will feel like I’m late, like I’m not paying attention. Do not give into that lie. See, here’s the thing when you come to the end of yourself, your answers, your strategies, your strength, I AM there. When you’ve come to the end yourself I AM. And I will be. I will be your strength. And I will be your joy.

On the first Sunday back to church in a month, I had the blessed opportunity to sing a duet with my pastor, a godly man with a wonderful tenor voice. We sang the old hymn, “Day by Day.” Words that went straight to my heart. Psalm 84:7 describes how the followers of God go from “strength to strength.” There is no gap, no space where His strength is not available to us. No space whatsoever. None. Day by day, every hour, moment by moment, the Lord himself is near me, with a special mercy for each hour. For you too.

My prayer is that when the pain is bad, and the heart is weary, that God will make His strength known, both in my head and my heart, my feelings…because that’s the place where the gap sometimes forms for me. When what I’m feeling hurts and screams louder than what I know to be true from God’s Word, I need to lean hard on the One bridges the gap.

Have pain? Need strength? Leaning hard?

MIRROR IMAGE: Last Day for FREE!

MIRROR IMAGE: Last Day for FREE!.

What do I want for Valentine’s Day?

I read a tweet this morning that made me think…and write. The tweet asked the question: What do you hope to receive for Valentine’s Day? So I started thinking…
-I will wake up and my husband will have left for work already (because he’s such a responsible person that he’s working overtime), but before he goes he will take the dogs out and then feed them so that they will let me sleep in.
-I will be able to spend time studying the Word, studying from different devotionals and doing Greek word study.
-I will connect with friends and family through emails, tweets, and messages.
-I will clean in my house and then go to my favorite coffee shop and sip some wonderful concoction while I write inspirationally.
-I will pick the red-haired wonder child up from school and enjoy energetic conversation with him til he runs off to play with his little buddy.
-It may even be warm enough today to break out my bike and get a short ride in!

I can’t think of anything else that I need. I’m not even aware of anything else that I want. I’m not the kind of girl who needs the usual candy, flowers, or cards. I’m not into jewelery. And I’m working too hard to lose weight to want to go out for a carb and calorie laden meal. My level of contentment and satisfaction with life should be quite a relief to my hub!

It reminds me of God’s truth: The Lord is my Shepherd. I have everything thing that I need. (Psalm 23)

I pray that on this day when we are inundated with thoughts of love that you will be encouraged in heart and united in love. Great big hugs and Hershey kisses.


Apology

I want to apologize to my readers for my inconsistency lately. I attribute it to two issues. The first is personal. I’ve been taking more time to write, and live with my pieces. It all started with a piece I’ve been working on for a few weeks, “Do Turtles Get Bruises?” I’ll get back to you with that one.

The other is related to WordPress itself. Getting into the site has been difficult at best and impossible on other days. Today I finally had to go to the email where I get updates and pull up a deleted post and go into my blog via that. It’s very frustrating. I’ve actually considered going back to blogger–I never had trouble like that.

I’ll try to get back with that post about slowing down later today.

Have a good one!

Refiner’s Fire

I have been down with the flu for five days. And I got a flu shot. I keep trying to imagine how much worse it would havee been if I hadn’t got the shot!

I would have loved to have spent the time cozied up and polishing several books on my Nook, but I just couldn’ t focus good enough for that. So honed up on my Yahtzee skills and listened to a lot of TV. Needless to say, I’vehad my fill of year end car sale/deal ads. Thee were also lots of ads for new movies and new TV programs. One new program that seemed to get a lot of ad time was the new show with Kevin Bacon, The Following. I just looked up the plot on one of my go to sites, IMDB.com, and I honestly still don’t get it. But there was a part of one ad that really disturbed me– enough that I remembered it in spite of my foggy mental state these past few days, and enough to write about it.

At one point a woman appears to be describing the series, and she uses just two words. I’m not sure if itnwas the way she said that troubled me or the impact of the words. It just sent chills, and not in a good way when she delivered her summation: deliciously evil.

Does that trouble anybody else? All I can hear is the serpant’s hiss hanging on the end of the phrase. As I pondered why this bothered me so, a verse from Proverbs came to mind: Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burnt? Proverbs 6:27, NIV

I know disastrous it is try and play with fire, to dance at edge of the precipice–hkw slippery the s,ope really is and how hard it is to come back. Sometimes I feel like an alarmist, always shouting that the bridge is out, waving my arms crazylike hoping someone will see and turn away before it’s too late.

It’s a new year. A time for resolutions and determined resolve. Here’s a no brainer. It’s so important that Jesus included it in his model prayer for his disciples. He told them that they need to pray that theybwould be led away from temptation, evil. In our day this prayer is even more necessary for his followers.

I challenge you to go to scripture, at least 7 different verses about avoiding evil, assign one to each day of the week, and then pray that verse on that day. We have lost our joy, our peace,and our power because we have allowed evil to creep into our lives. We are far too accepting and comfortable with it. If we ca  think of it as deliscious…God help us.

God, make us aware of the places and spaces where we have made evil welcome in our lives, our hearts, our homes, our relationships. Do in us the hard work of cleansing and purifying. You are our refiner. Our one desire is to be holy, and wholly thine. This is our prayer in your name, Jesus.

Wondering and Wandering: Camel Swallowing

Swallowed any camels lately? In Matthew 23, Jesus is really coming down pretty hard on the religious establishment, the Pharisees. He calls them blind guides and hypocrites more than once in the tirade. Jesus seems very concerned that they attempt to make a really good presentation, but lack the inner substance to back it up. They were majoring in the minors and leaving the camel in the middle of the room unattended…and what a mess that ended up making of things!

How many of our homes are decorated for Christmas, both inside and out, but our hearts are sorely unattended to? How many parties and functions will we go to, dressed in our holiday best, but not even considering our spiritual attire? How many gifts will be purchased to impress spouses, lovers, kids and grandkids, bosses, and friends while the greatest gift we can give to the One who deserves it most will be either ignored or stretched so thin that little would even remain to give?

I read a post online by someone recently who was going on about how much they love Advent. They love the songs, the parties, the shopping, the eats. It made my heart sad. The purpose of Advent is not to get the world around us ready for the biggest gift giving day of the year. The purpose of Advent is to reflect on the greatest gift ever given and to be sure that our hearts are ready to receive it.

The Wisemen rode camels to find Jesus. That seems a much wiser thing to do than to swallow one and miss the Master.

Wondering and Wandering: Fear and Freedom

“For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, ‘Abba, Father.'” (Rom. 8:15).

It’s a lot easier to write when I don’t envision my friends’ smirking faces as they read what I’ve written. In particular, I can see Heidi’s grin as she scans over these words. I see her face because it’s her voice I hear in my head right now. I’ve been playing back a conversation we had on Friday as we ate ice cream and sucked down several cups of coffee. “What are you so afraid of?” she asked me.

I had no answer then. I don’t have one now. What I do have is a heavy weight sitting right on my chest, squashing me, squeezing all the air out. Fear is that weight, but I don’t know what it is fear of exactly. Failure. Rejection. Pointlessness. All of the above. None of the above.

Fear is not a new companion. I have lived most of my life afraid of something. I remember the physical frozenness when I was in hospital chaplaincy training and how hard it was to make myself walk through that door. I have been so afraid of driving in weather. Fear has affected my friendships, my relationship with my husband, my job performance.

So when I started researching for today’s word, I started by doing a keyword search on bound. Nothing jumped. I switched to bind. Nope. I googled “spiritual bondage.” Getting closer. Then I pulled out my Theological Dictionary and was directed to the above scripture reference. It wasn’t until I read it a few times that one word jumped up and bit me on the nose. Again.

Chapter 7 of Romans is one of the Bible’s great wrestling matches. My other favorite is Jacob and the Angel. Anyway, in Romans 7, Paul is describing the internal wrestling match he has between doing the good he wants to do and the not-good that he ends up doing. Near the end of the match, Paul asks the question, “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?” The answer is Romans 8:1: Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. Paul wants us to know that God has not set us free to be put into slavery, or bondage AGAIN.

In Christ Jesus we are not just set free, but we are adopted into the closest of relationships. To call God Abba is to refer to him in a dependent and loving way as would a child and with the respect that an adult has for his or her parent. It is a relationship that is completely secure and that’s what releases us from the bondage of fear.

As we wade even deeper into Advent, let us marvel at the freedom that Jesus came to offer. Let’s take time to identify and surrender our fears to him. I mean seriously, aren’t you getting tired of the wrestling match?
1. Come, thou long expected Jesus,
born to set thy people free;
from our fears and sins release us,
let us find our rest in thee.
Israel’s strength and consolation,
hope of all the earth thou art;
dear desire of every nation,
joy of every longing heart.

2. Born thy people to deliver,
born a child and yet a King,
born to reign in us forever,
now thy gracious kingdom bring.
By thine own eternal spirit
rule in all our hearts alone;
by thine all sufficient merit,
raise us to thy glorious throne.

http://www.hymnsite.com/lyrics/umh196.sht