Category: faith

Wondering and Wandering: Filling the Moments

A Prayer:
Father God,
Why is it that I think I must get somewhere, assume some position, by gathered together, or separated apart in the quiet of my study to pray?
Why is it that I feel that I have to go somewhere or do some particular act to find you, reach you, and talk with you?
Your presence is here
In the city–on the busy bus, in the factory, in the cockpit of the airplane; in the hopital–in the patients’ rooms, in the intensive care unit, in the waiting room; in the home–at dinner, in the bedroom, in the family room, at my workbench; in the car–in the parking lot, at the stoplight.
Lord, reveal your presence to me everywhere, and help me become aware of your presence each moment of the day.
May your presence fill the nonanswers, empty glances, and lonely times of my life. Amen From A Thirty-Day Experiment in Prayerby Robert Wood.

I will confess, I enjoy Pintrest. I don’t have a personal Facebook page, can’t–long story. So, I enjoy Pinterest. One of my boards is Sacred Spaces and Places. Some places just feel “fuller” with spirituality for me. I guess that’s why the words to “How Great Thou Art” get to me:

Oh,Lord my God! When I in awesome wonder
Consider all the works thy hand hath made,
I see the stars, I hear the mighty thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed;

Refrain:
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!

When through the woods and forest glades I wander
and hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees;
when I look down from lofty mountain grandeur,
and hear the brook, and feel he gentle breeze;

Refrain

And when I think that God his son not sparing,
Sent him to die – I scarce can take it in,
That on the cross my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin:

Refrain

When Christ shall come with shout of acclamation
And take me home- what joy shall fill my heart!
Then I shall bow in humble adoration
And there proclaim, my God, how great thou art!

Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!

If you want to listen to it, try this I sat and listened several renditions of this favored hymn. I especially liked this one for it’s simplicity. The cello also touched a spot in me.

Last Friday the hubster and I were blessed to be able to spend the day together. We drove south to a little town that has a furniture store that advertises on Craigslist. The drive took us on rolling, tiny country roads that warned us often to be alert for Amish buggies. It was a gray day, but that just seemed to add to the coziness of being together. The store was nice and we oohed and ahhhed over pieces we would love someday to have. On the ride home we took a different, but equally bendy and tiny road. It was such a special time together. On the way down we practiced the song we’re singing as a duet on Christmas eve. Then on home we chatted and commented on the different houses we noticed on the way home. Houses tucked in the woods. Log homes. Big inviting farm houses.

Way back when we were dating we would drive in the country and do the same thing. Then, though, there was this thinking that we “needed” to be in one of those kinds of homes to be happy. Now, nearly thirty-four years later we know, we could live in a tent and be happy together. We’ve walked through dark days together and know with clear certainty that it’s not the place, it’s the relationship that means so much.

How can it be any less with God? Sure, I my soul will be stirred by the beauty of a place–but I don’t have to go anywhere to find my God, my Savior, my Eternal Friend. He fills every moment, every place, in my life–when and if I let him. I just want to get better and better at letting him.

Wondering and Wandering: Silence

“Silence is the way to make solitude a reality. The Desert Fathers praise silence as the safest way to God. ‘I have often repented of having spoken,’ Arsenius said, ‘but never of having remained silent.’ One day Archbishop Theophilus came to the desert to visit Abba Pambo. But Abba Pambo did not speak to him. When the brethren finally said to Pamo, ‘Father, say something to the archbishop, so that he may be edified,’ he replied: ‘If he is not edified by my slience, he will not be edified by my speech.'” From The Way of the Heart by Henri J.M. Nouwen

As I have occasionally pointed out, I am an ESFP with ADD. I think out loud. I come from a loud family. I raised a loud family. My grandchildren, especially the red-haired-wonder-child (RHWC). My dogs are very loud. They bark at everyone that walks by (and a lot do) and all the squirrels that tease them from the trees (I would hate to see what happened if one of them fell into the dog pen). I worked in a factory where it was constant noise.

Oddly, over the past four years I have found great peace in the silence I find in my day job. No tv. No radio. The only sound is my occasional chime to remind me to play a game of Words with Friends. The little lady I stay with turns her hearing aids off so there’s not even much conversation when she ventures out of her room. And I’m really quite okay with that.

The RHWC is a boy–all boy. Long ago, hub and I decided that boys just have to make noise: sounds just have to come from little boys. Noise for noise sake. It reminds me of how Jesus described the way that the pagans just babble on when they pray. I don’t find any need to talk to hear myself talk–I just think out loud when I’m in conversation. Somewhere along the line I lost my need to talk.

The nice thing about that is that it makes lots of room to listen. To hear what others are saying…or not. To hear what God is saying…or not. I wonder how noisy it was in the stable…perhaps that why Mary sat quietly and pondered all these things in her heart.

Writing this just sent me to the bookshelf…I pulled out my copy of Oats “Nurturing Silence in A Noisy Heart.” More to come…

Wondering and Wandering: In Case You Really Wondered

“If you want God, and long for union with him, yet sometimes wonder what that means or whether it can mean anything at all, you are already walking with the God who comes. If you are at times so weary and involved with the struggle of living that you have no strength even to want [God], yet are still dissatisfied that you don’t, you are already keeping Advent in your life. If you have ever had an obscure intuition that the truth of things is somehow better, greater, more wonderful than you deserve or desire, that the touch of God in your life stills you by its gentleness, that there is a mercy beyond anything you could ever suspect, you are already drawn in the central mystery of salvation.” From The Coming of God by Maria Boulding

Yesterday morning our choir opened the service with a medley of songs. One of the songs in the medley was Pat A Pan. I had played this song many Christmases when I was a child, all the way through High School–I never knew it had words! Here are a couple of the verses (which happen to be very stuck in my brain since yesterday morning:
When the men of olden days
To the King of Kings gave praise,
On the fife and drum did play,

Tu-re-lu-re-lu,
Pat-a-pan-a-pan,
On the fife and drum did play,
So their hearts were glad and gay!

God and man today become
More in tune than fife and drum,
So be merry while you play,

The thought of us becoming more in tune with God probably stuck with me more than the song–although it’s there too. Being in tune, getting in tune, staying in tune, these are the essentials of Advent. The natural thing is to rush into the shopping, parties, and trappings of the holidays, but that leaves us missing the important spiritual components.

I’m much more of a minimalist when it comes to the external stuff. I want to focus on the God who comes…what will it take to clear your focus? How will you get in tune? Oh, don’t miss the mystery, the beauty, the gift.

Wondering and Wandering: Ah, Gentleness

“Compassion is expressed in gentleness. When I think of the persons I know who model for me the depths of the spiritual life, I am struck by their gentleness. Their eyes communicate the residue of soitary battles with angels, the costs of caring for others, the deaths of ambition and ego, and the peace that comes from having very little left to lose in this life. They are gentle because they have learned the hard way that personal survival is not the point. Their caring is gentle because their self-aggrandizement is no longer at stake. There is nothing in it for them. Their vulnerability has ben stretched to clear-eyed sensitivity to others and truly selfless love.” From Healing of Purpose by John E. Biersdorf

The older I get the more I treasure the “gentle” people around me. They are like the softness of a cashmere blanket wrapped around us, warming us with soft caresses. I sat and soaked in that image for a moment and then went back and read the quote…not an adequate image. But isn’t that just like us? We want to the softness without the process.

Right now there’s a Dick’s Sporting Goods commercial that left me needing a tissue the first time I saw it:

This of course reminded me of one of my favorite tidbits of literature: The Wisdom of the Skinhorse (“The Velveteen Rabbit” by Margery Williams)
“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

This proces and transformation are not something that we have to hunt for and try to accomplish all willy-nilly. Someone has offered to walk us through it, to teach us, to be with us all along the way:
Are you tired? Worn our? Burned out on religion? Come to me Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show
you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me–watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I
won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly. Matthew 11:28-30 The Message

Jesus, the One we preparing to meet this holy season, the One who came as Immanuel (God to be with us), invites us to journey with him, to learn from him for he is gentle and humble of heart. Nothing much more humbling than the helplessness of a baby. Helplessness at any stage we might find ourselves.

Where does gentleness come from? From learning we don’t have all the answers, that we can’t do this on our own, and from learning to wrap our brain around how okay it is to be dependent.

We’ve already considered your IQ (imitation quotient), so now I’m wondering: how’s your GQ, your gentleness quotient?

Wondering and Wandering: Dis-couraged?

5 Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again—my Savior and my God! Psalm 42:5

The words to the old gospel song ask: Why should I be discouraged? Why should the shadows come? …When Jesus is my portion, a constant friend is he. His eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me. I sing because I’m happy. I sing because I’m free. For his eye is on the sparrow, and I know he watches me.

When I went to the online concordance to read what the scriptures had to say about discouragement, I was surprised by what I found. The majority of references to discourage were preceded by the phrase, “don’t be afraid.” Fear and discouragement are linked. Now I’m imagining that there are as many reasons to be discouraged as there are to be afraid. They will differ with the individual and their makeup. And I guess the connection makes sense when you consider that to be dis-couraged is to be without courage.

I also read Psalm 42 with a whole new perspective. Read verse 5 above. Read it quickly. Do not camp out at the end of the second question. That’s our tendency, isn’t it? We pitch our tent somewhere between Discouragement Village and Sadness City. But it seems to me that the writer of the Psalm wants to us to reconsider our pausing at that point. There’s no camping, no pity-me party, none of it! There is the resoluteness of the hymn writer: How can I be discouraged when Jesus is my portion? How can I be sad when my hope is in the God whose eye is ever on me, on you?

Perhaps this year has held changes that have felt way more than you could bear. Huge losses. Intense heartache. It may have seemed like you were swimming in a sea of why questions. The Psalmist doesn’t seem to wait for an answer for his why questions, he just automatically moves to hope and praise for his Savior and his God. Is it time to stop paddling in that same old pool? Is it time to surrender your ‘why’ and find hope and praise?

Maybe you want to sing along

Wondering and Wandering: Camel Swallowing

Swallowed any camels lately? In Matthew 23, Jesus is really coming down pretty hard on the religious establishment, the Pharisees. He calls them blind guides and hypocrites more than once in the tirade. Jesus seems very concerned that they attempt to make a really good presentation, but lack the inner substance to back it up. They were majoring in the minors and leaving the camel in the middle of the room unattended…and what a mess that ended up making of things!

How many of our homes are decorated for Christmas, both inside and out, but our hearts are sorely unattended to? How many parties and functions will we go to, dressed in our holiday best, but not even considering our spiritual attire? How many gifts will be purchased to impress spouses, lovers, kids and grandkids, bosses, and friends while the greatest gift we can give to the One who deserves it most will be either ignored or stretched so thin that little would even remain to give?

I read a post online by someone recently who was going on about how much they love Advent. They love the songs, the parties, the shopping, the eats. It made my heart sad. The purpose of Advent is not to get the world around us ready for the biggest gift giving day of the year. The purpose of Advent is to reflect on the greatest gift ever given and to be sure that our hearts are ready to receive it.

The Wisemen rode camels to find Jesus. That seems a much wiser thing to do than to swallow one and miss the Master.

Wondering and Wandering: Fear and Freedom

“For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, ‘Abba, Father.'” (Rom. 8:15).

It’s a lot easier to write when I don’t envision my friends’ smirking faces as they read what I’ve written. In particular, I can see Heidi’s grin as she scans over these words. I see her face because it’s her voice I hear in my head right now. I’ve been playing back a conversation we had on Friday as we ate ice cream and sucked down several cups of coffee. “What are you so afraid of?” she asked me.

I had no answer then. I don’t have one now. What I do have is a heavy weight sitting right on my chest, squashing me, squeezing all the air out. Fear is that weight, but I don’t know what it is fear of exactly. Failure. Rejection. Pointlessness. All of the above. None of the above.

Fear is not a new companion. I have lived most of my life afraid of something. I remember the physical frozenness when I was in hospital chaplaincy training and how hard it was to make myself walk through that door. I have been so afraid of driving in weather. Fear has affected my friendships, my relationship with my husband, my job performance.

So when I started researching for today’s word, I started by doing a keyword search on bound. Nothing jumped. I switched to bind. Nope. I googled “spiritual bondage.” Getting closer. Then I pulled out my Theological Dictionary and was directed to the above scripture reference. It wasn’t until I read it a few times that one word jumped up and bit me on the nose. Again.

Chapter 7 of Romans is one of the Bible’s great wrestling matches. My other favorite is Jacob and the Angel. Anyway, in Romans 7, Paul is describing the internal wrestling match he has between doing the good he wants to do and the not-good that he ends up doing. Near the end of the match, Paul asks the question, “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?” The answer is Romans 8:1: Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. Paul wants us to know that God has not set us free to be put into slavery, or bondage AGAIN.

In Christ Jesus we are not just set free, but we are adopted into the closest of relationships. To call God Abba is to refer to him in a dependent and loving way as would a child and with the respect that an adult has for his or her parent. It is a relationship that is completely secure and that’s what releases us from the bondage of fear.

As we wade even deeper into Advent, let us marvel at the freedom that Jesus came to offer. Let’s take time to identify and surrender our fears to him. I mean seriously, aren’t you getting tired of the wrestling match?
1. Come, thou long expected Jesus,
born to set thy people free;
from our fears and sins release us,
let us find our rest in thee.
Israel’s strength and consolation,
hope of all the earth thou art;
dear desire of every nation,
joy of every longing heart.

2. Born thy people to deliver,
born a child and yet a King,
born to reign in us forever,
now thy gracious kingdom bring.
By thine own eternal spirit
rule in all our hearts alone;
by thine all sufficient merit,
raise us to thy glorious throne.

http://www.hymnsite.com/lyrics/umh196.sht

Wondering and Wandering to Christmas: Kicking Against the Goads

He marched into the office where Pepa and I were working on our computers. Came right over to my chair and spun me around, and proceded to climb up into my lap. He didn’t say a word. He didn’t have to. It was Wednesday evening at 6:30. He needed a nap. It had been the same for pattern for several weeks. The week before, as soon it was time to load into the car to head for church, as I finished buckling him in and was heading to my seat he asked, “Would it be all right if I slept on the way?” We hadn’t gone two blocks before he was a limp ragdoll, fast asleep.

So that night when he climbed into my lap, with his head nestled into my shoulder, I began to rock in my chair and sing the ABC Lullaby:
Apples for babies, cats, and dogs. Elephants, foxes, giraffes and hogs. Ice cream. Jelly beans. Kangaroos and llamas. Monkey’s nose. Ostrich toes. Penguins quietly race on snow. Turkey umbrellas. Violin’s wings. Xylophones. Yo-yos. Zebras.

I probably sang it about ten times and I stopped to listen to his deep, rest-full breaths. Down for the count.

The ABC Lullaby is something I came up with right after the birth of our granddaughter six years ago. I sang it to her every day of her first six months, then she and her mommy moved away and started a new life. They soon added a baby brother to their family and he heard the song, but not nearly as much. It was the third grandchild that we watched nearly every day who has owned the song as his.

Another time, he seemed so tired and out of sorts that I pulled him onto my lap and started to sing–hoping for both our sakes that he would fall asleep. He wanted no part of it. He put his hand over my mouth to keep me from singing. He looked up and tiredly explained, “I don’t want to sleep.”

Isn’t that just like us? We know what we need, but hold up our hand, telling loved ones and maybe even God that we really don’t want it. We don’t want to change. We don’t want to give or forgive. We don’t want move on. We don’t want to try. We just can’t right now. We know in our heart of hearts we should, so why not give in, give up, go on? What song have you been fighting against hearing? What message have you tried to avoid?

Today in our Advent journey the phrase, “Kick against the goads” came to mind. It’s not a phrase we hear or use much these days. It refers to the poke or prod that is given to move or direct cattle or donkeys. It can be pretty sharp and painful for the animal being directed, and often they will rear up or kick up against the poke.

Sometimes the pokes or prods we feel and face come gently as a word from a friend, but sometimes it’s more like smack upside the head. What will it take to get your attention? And will you listen, move, obey? Aren’t you tired of fighting, of kicking against the goads?

Wondering and Wandering: What’s Your IQ?

1Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children 2and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. (Ephesians 5:1-2, NIV)

Imitations. Does that bring a good or bad image to your mind? When I think of imitations one of the first things to come to mind are the cheap, poor copies of Barbie that I had as a child. I longed for the real thing, but the closest I ever got was a Woolworth’s imitation. Recently I shared a recipe for Seafood Lasagna with a friend and it called for “imitation crab.” She asked if she could use the real thing because neither she nor her husband liked the fake stuff. They were quite happy with the results when the opted use the real thing.

Thinking of today’s admonition to imitate God fills me with a little trepidation. Over the years I’ve seen some really bad imitations and imitators. My own example is not without moments of pitiful reflection. Thankfully, the period doesn’t come after the instruction. Have you ever considered what a difference it makes to know that you are a dearly loved child, that you are loved so much that Jesus gave himself up as a sacrifice for us out of love?

Some of the poorest examples are the result of playing at something folks “know” they are supposed to get and do, but don’t really understand. It reminds me of a guy in college who when the altar call was extended went and literally crawled upon the altar. He was trying to lay his all on the altar. He didn’t understand that God was asking for his life. Fortunately, he stuck around long enough to figure it out—both for him and the many hundreds of kids he worked with as a pastor.

So as we wade deeper into this time of preparation and readying, I wonder if it wouldn’t be good to spend some time at the spiritual mirror. When you think about seeing yourself as God sees you, what do you see? How’s your IQ, your imitation quotient? It will be seen in the way that you both receive and give love.

Wondering and Wandering to Christmas: Are You Feeling Lucky?

During my years of pastoral ministry, I had the privilege of working as assistant pastor to an extremely gifted man, Lester Clark. I learned so much from him. One of the things that shapes who I am and how I function can be directly attributed to Pastor Clark’s teaching. He didn’t believe in luck. He was so convinced on this matter that he didn’t call carry-in dinners Pot Lucks, he called them Pot Blessings.

Luck is defined as “a combination of circumstances, events, etc., operating by chance to bring good or ill to a person” (dictionary.com). Synonyms for luck include: happenstance, karma, and fortuitousness. For me the reason I don’t believe in luck is in the essence or definition: the idea of chance. Chance meeting. What are the chances of that happening?

If we believe in luck, then we would believe that it was fortuitous that Mary was betrothed to kind-hearted Joseph, a man who would go completely against the norm and go ahead and take her as his wife. We consider them quite fortunate for having shown up at the only inn with a stable still available and an inn keeper’s wife with a conscience when it came to sending a woman about to deliver out into the night. I don’t believe it was luck. I believe was God was working all things for good.

Another place where I don’t see luck, but rather see God is in the ways our paths cross at just the right time with people who touch and change our lives. When I was teaching classes in my last job, I would share with the class at the outset that I didn’t know why we were together, but that I completely believe that God put us there on purpose and for a purpose. I would refer to 1 Corinthians 12:18b: God has put each part just where he wants it (NLT).

Are you feeling lucky, or blessed? How do you look at and consider the circumstances of your life? Have you missed any divine appointments lately? Have you snarled about an inconvenience or interruption recently instead of considering God was working for your good or the good of someone around you? Consider changing your perspective and don’t leave anything to chance.